A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Fair Punishment

 

Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not! Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!

Know your numbers

 

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers."Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three." "Four," answers the boy."What comes after six?" "Seven.""Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?""A Jack."

Отношение к людям

 

to fall for someone - влюбиться в кого-л., запасть на кого -л.
to go steady/to date - встречаться с кем-либо

to bill and coo — ворковать/ вести любовную беседу

an old flame — старая любовь/прежнее увлечение

to have a crush on someone - сходить с ума по ком-то, думать только об одном человеке.

to hit it off with someone - ладить с кем-либо, иметь очень хорошие отношения

to have the hots for someone - считать кого-либо привлекательным

to fall in love head over hills - влюбиться по уши

to have a soft spot for someone - иметь слабость к кому-л.

to fancy someone - влюбиться в кого-либо, полюбить, увлечься

to have a thing for someone - влюбиться в кого-либо, полюбить

to be hung up on someone - быть одержимым кем-л. (постоянно думать о ком-то, фантазировать и т.д.)

to steal someone’s heart – украсть чьё-то сердце

to be made for each other – быть созданными друг для друга

to have eyes for somebody — положить глаз на кого-либо

to play the field —вести беспорядочную жизнь/ быть повесой

be on one's mind - занимать чей-то ум

to have an affair - вести роман

puppy love – детская, подростковая любовь

to love someone to bits — любить каждую частичку кого-л. (очень сильно)

to chase after – «бегать» за женщиной/мужчиной

to lose one's heart to somebody — влюбиться в кого-то

a match made in heaven –идеально подходящая друг другу пара

to be joined at the hip - быть связанным друг с другом/ чувствовать эмоциональную привязанность друг к другу

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden...

 

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"

Самые красивые фразы - признание в любви



I’m in love with you - Я влюблена в тебя...
 

I fell in love - Я влюбилась...
 

I fell head over heels in love (with) - Я влюбилась по уши...
 

It was love at first sight - Это была любовь с первого взгляда...
 

I’m mad about you - Я без ума от тебя...
 

I think about you every minute - Я думаю о тебе каждую минуту...
 

I want to be with you - Я хочу быть с тобой...
 

I want to be with you all my life - Я хочу быть с тобой всю оставшуюся жизнь...
 

I can’t live without you - Я не могу без тебя...
 

You’re the love of my life - Ты – любовь всей моей жизни...
 

You’re my destiny - Ты моя судьба...
 

You’re everything to me - Ты для меня все...
 

You’re my dream - Ты моя мечта...
 

I dream about you - Я мечтаю о тебе...
 

You make me happy - Ты делаешь меня счастливой...
 

I dream about you - Я мечтаю о тебе...

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot...

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said. "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?" "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote." "And the other?" said the customer. "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000." "Holy moly! What does that one do?" "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."

Quick and clear

 

 



A son comes to his dad and says: - Dad, i gotta tell you something - Ok, Quick and clear! - 100 bucks

How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

 

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? Little Johnny: I get up early.

Finding the right answers

Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn't ask it again.He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again. The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced. Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask and to not ask that question again. He went away.A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her driver's license.He said, "Mother, you're 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy divorced you because you got an 'F' in sex."